I read something interesting on social media the other day. The post first mentioned the famous quote from Albert Einstein; “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity”. The poster then amended the quote to read; “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result isn’t the definition of insanity, it’s a trauma response”. ‘Woah’ I thought, yes ‘stuckness’ can certainly be a sign of unhealed trauma, which then shows up in our relationships, especially our intimate ones. More on this in a minute…
September Has Arrived!
Hope you are having a wonderful long weekend and enjoying the last hurrah of summer!
Are you taking it easy this weekend and getting caught up on laundry and housework like me, or are you squeezing in some final summer activities? With our boys at home, and high school not yet in session, we have been doing lots of dog walks in our neck of the woods. That is our eldest son Oliver and our cairn terrier Rebus in the above pic.
After what seemed like a busier than normal summer for us, with several, two – ferry rides plus drive time trips up the coast to our family place (where we love to be) I have, these last couple of weeks, been easing back into work mode and that means getting things ready for the Revitalized Relationships (RR) Fall group.
After a successful spring RR program I have taken the feedback from the the smart and savvy women who participated in the last go-round, and am further refining the curriculum to make it even more effective, so every relationship can be the best it can be, and YES! this is doable even if your partner is ISN’T on board.
Why Things Won’t Get Better…
Back to the Einstein quote reworked to include the experience of trauma I spoke about earlier. If we are talking about improving and saving marriages and relationships, things are NOT going to get better if you:
A) Keep doing the same things, and keep responding the same way inside your relationship although you have realized that, to date, your actions and words have had no positive effect on your partner.
B) Nor are things going to get better if you are aware that you do have unhealed trauma or ‘raw spots’ but you aren’t doing the work to heal them, OR you suspect you have these ‘raw spots’ or ‘blind spots’ but aren’t really sure where to begin with the healing, so have remained stuck.
If you can relate to either A or B or both, then know that things will NOT improve in your marriage or relationship, unless you either try something different, learn new skills and / or heal your wounds. And often these wounds are unconscious, making this process even trickier, especially if you are trying to do it with little or no support.
Why I Don’t Want You to Lose Hope!
If you find yourself struggling in your marriage or relationship and you have tried various interventions but they haven’t worked, don’t despair because things CAN get better!
I know this to be true as I have seen it over and over in the counselling and coaching work I do with women looking to improve their relationships. To do this though, those trauma wounds (if present)need to be worked through and, as noted above, you will need new tools in your toolbox in order to break out from the embedded ‘cycles of conflict’, and to better manage those ‘bad relationship days’.
The RR program for women can help you do this.
To quote the writer Maya Angelou; “When you know better, you do better” and by enhancing your skill set and knowledge around all things relationship, both you, and your partner, WILL do better.
So if you have tried talking it out, nagging, crying, reading dozens of couples therapy books, watching all the YouTube videos on the various subjects, given your partner an ultimatum, and maybe even have tried couples counselling, but you and your partner continue to drift apart, then I recommend that you book a complimentary Discovery Call with me to find out more about the Revitalized Relationships program (link below).
(*And if you already did a call with me, but it’s been awhile, then I encourage you to book another one, as it would be helpful to update things and see where you are at).
Revitalized Relationships Autumn Group
The RR program will start mid- to end of September, it runs for 8 weeks, it’s on-line, and everything is recorded so if you can’t make it to a session, you won’t miss a thing. There is also a private FaceBook group, and weekly ‘Case Study & Concepts’ sessions to ensure you are getting the support you need, along with the weekly teaching Modules. PLUS you have on-going access to the RR program through the alumni RR FaceBook group, so if you need some support sometime in the future after the program ends, Voila! you have got it.
If you have tried everything but you haven’t tried RR, why not give it a go?
You can book your complimentary call with me through this link – https://calendly.com/elizabethritchie/interviewrevitalizedrelationshiponline
….And In Case You Missed It!
Earlier this summer I did a two-part video series which you may or may not have seen. You can watch Video #1,
’10 Warning Signs that Your Relationship May Be Crumbling’ through the link below, and after watching that one you can check out Video #2 which builds on the first one. Video #2 is – ‘9 Steps to Rebuilding Trust and Saving Your Relationship’.
And be sure to subscribe to my channel while you are there! 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SBY_1tNxW4
That’s it from me on this Labour Day long weekend, take care and enjoy the remaining dog days of summer!
xo
Elizabeth
PS
If you are not already a member of our private Revitalized Relationships FaceBook group for Women (for non RR participants) come and join us there, where I post a variety of information, including videos, on best practices in relationship counselling and coaching and mental wellness. If you follow me through the below link, you can then send me a message saying you would like to join the private RR group for women. For you fabulous men please follow this page (same link) as I post lots of related content here.
LINK – https://www.facebook.com/elizjturner
